Let's stop asking “Do you have any feedback?”
What to do instead to get *real* feedback at work
TL;DR: Most managers say they want feedback—but the way we ask for it actually shuts down the conversation. If we want real, honest, and actionable feedback, we need to set the stage, ask better questions, and give time to prepare.
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Almost every manager says they want feedback. Most of us are terrible at eliciting it effectively.
I once worked for a leader who said they *really* wanted and appreciated feedback. But those words didn’t align with how they actually went about requesting feedback — which tbh, made it very hard to share feedback with them.
We’d rush through our jam-packed 1:1s, and juuuuust before we ran off to our next meetings, they’d ask, “Do you have any feedback for me?”
And what do you think I said?
“No, I'm good today!” was my answer 99% of the time.
Here’s why:
There was no time to give a meaningful response
The question was so broad, it was hard to know where to begin
The yes/no format created an easy out
^^ You can see how this line of inquiry put ALL the pressure on direct reports.
It forces them to do all the work of crafting something thoughtful and constructive, and it asks for their emotional energy to initiate a conversation about something critical or vulnerable.
And yet, this is how so many leaders request feedback from their teams and colleagues.
—
How to get real feedback at work
If we really want quality feedback, we need to change how we ask for it.
Here’s how to spark richer, more honest, and more useful feedback conversations:
1. Share your intention
Before you start requesting feedback, set the stage. Let your team know that you want to create a stronger feedback culture, and that you’re going to experiment with some new tactics to collect it.
So many leaders skip this step, but it’s essential because:
It lets your team know how to interpret your new behavior
It gives them the opportunity to offer ideas and shape the process with you
It shows that you’re intentional and invested, which builds goodwill
2. Ask better questions
Rather than the vague “Do you have any feedback for me?” do this instead:
Ask open-ended questions (try starting your question with “what” or “how”)
Be specific about what you want feedback on
Focus inquiry on things you genuinely care about
Create space for critical feedback, and ask for it explicitly
Here are some examples for what this might sound like:
“When I gave you feedback last week, what part was the most helpful to you? If you had to pick one thing to do differently, next time, what could have made it more actionable or supportive?”
“What’s one thing I do that makes your job easier? What’s one thing I do that makes your job harder?”
“Right now I have a goal to ________. When have I gotten that right? What is one time when I missed the mark?”
“I’m sure I’ve done something that frustrated you at some point in the past month. I’d love to know when that was, what the impact was, and how you’d like me to handle situations like that moving forward. By the way, I’m asking everyone on the team this so that I can improve— not because you’ve done anything to prompt the question.” (tone matters here!)
3. Give folks time to prepare
No matter how busy you are, there are some simple, lightweight ways to give your team time to prep for feedback convos.
Ask a question at the end of your 1:1, and set the expectation that you’ll discuss it in next week’s meeting.
Send a feedback question via Slack 2-3 days before you meet. Personally, I love doing this via voice message, so the tone and vibes don’t get misconstrued.
Share a list of feedback questions for the quarter, and let your direct reports pick when each one gets answered.
There are many options for how you go about this, and I encourage you to experiment and figure out what works for your team over time.
A note for teams without a strong feedback culture: If you’re starting from zero, allow time to build up to live, face-to-face feedback conversations. You could try starting with anonymous surveys or written feedback exchanges, before moving into live feedback sessions.
How to apply this in your own work
Ask yourself:
What are my typical patterns when asking for feedback?
What do I genuinely want feedback about?
Where am I chickening out or inadvertently hurting my feedback culture?
Take action:
Have a conversation with your team about your intention to elicit richer, more honest feedback.
Pick 1-2 ways to improve in the next couple of weeks. Don’t over-commit! It’s about progress over perfection.
Reflect:
How did that go?
What did I learn?
What might I try next to keep building this skill?
✨ Speaking of feedback, I’d love to know:
What was the most helpful part of this post, and what did I miss about eliciting feedback? Hit reply, and let me know :)
What’s one question about building and leading startup teams that you’d like to see addressed in a future newsletter? Let me know here!
Come hang out and build skills with us in real life!
🌉 Are you based in SF, or have a friend or colleague who might enjoy a Fort Light gathering!? We’re hosting a structured happy hour discussion this Thursday, May 8th in SF.
We’ll discuss strategies and skills for managing up effectively — especially amid the chaos of startup life, and especially while working for founders and CEOs.
Come hear lessons from experienced operators, and trade notes with top talent peers from different functions and startups. Mentors in attendance will include:
Asheesh Birla - Ex-Ripple
Cara Delzer - VP Success, Journey Clinical
Drew Rowny - VP Product, Patreon
Liz Ludwig - Co-founder, Takes
Maryann Kongovi - VP People, Yotascale
See details and express interest here: https://lu.ma/0hysv6wx.
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